I grew up riding in New Jersey and continued eventing while at college, before going on to law school, where I did fox hunting. I always knew I wanted to do dressage, but I was very career oriented, so I decided that it was time to get serious and get a real job. I took the bar and shortly afterwards, I was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin lymphoma [at age 27].

Cancer treatment started in August, and I continued to ride through September and a tiny bit in October. As I got sicker and sicker [from the chemotherapy], eventually I couldn't tack the horse up, but if somebody could tack up for me and throw me up in the saddle, I could still ride pretty well from muscle memory. 

I was lucky that I got into a clinical trial; the trial featured high doses of chemo rather than giving me any radiation. It was do it or die, basically. There were some very dark days. I got to the place where I was done. You don't think you're going to get there, and then you are so miserable and you're in so much pain.

They did a PET scan [positron emission tomography] and said if it didn't come back clean then I was going to have to get a bone marrow transplant and more rapid chemo. I was like, ‘No, you can just send me home.’ It was so miserable. Somewhere in your head you think ‘I'm a human and I should understand that this might be a couple of more months of pain, and I have my whole life ahead of me.’ But you're in such a bad place that you don’t even care. It's like it's not even worth it at that point. Fortunately, the test came back OK from the PET scan, so I had more chemo, but I didn’t need a bone marrow transplant.

At that stage, you don't get a choice. It is completely out of your hands. You just do what the doctors say and hope you get better. You just hope that the medicine works and the only thing that’s going to fix it is time.

Before I got too sick to read or do anything, I read on the internet about breeding warmbloods, and I got really into dressage. I thought it would be cool to compete at Dressage at Devon because it is right in my backyard. The cheapest way to do that was to do the 3-year-old materiale class. I thought I could buy a foal because that is a horse I could afford. I would wait three years, and then I'd go do the materiale. At that point, I thought, ‘If I can make it those three years, then I’ll be able to ride at Devon, and I could die happy that day.’ 

When I finally got to compete at Devon, it was certainly a huge accomplishment, but every day I live is a good day. Cancer really changes your perspective. I was always an easy-going type of person before the cancer, but afterwards, nothing bothers me. It doesn't matter how well or poorly you do. Just to wake up every day and be here, that's what it's all about. To be able to go to bed at night, be comfortable and sleep, that's a win.

I don't sweat things. If I go to a show and do terribly on my horse, what difference does it make? If we had a great time, the horse is happy and sound, then it's fine. I really couldn't care less. We'll go to another show, it’s not a big deal.

I think getting Jane to the Olympics [in Paris 2024 with rider Marcus Orlob] was the most exciting thing we’ve ever done. But I'm not competition-focused; I love training the horses much more. For me, that is why I wake up every morning and it’s what I look forward to doing. You have to compete to know if you're on the right path, but for me, the competition is a side note. It's not really what it's all about. I’ve never really been goal oriented; I just love training the horses every day, I love having a conversation with them, and I love teaching them things. When you start with a young horse and you finally get it to understand how to give you a little suspension in the trot or the first time you get some flying changes, I am just as excited about that as I am to compete in the biggest show.

I am in remission now from cancer. Although I am not quite back to where I was before my diagnosis in terms of fitness, I am for sure way better than I have been. I have some horses in the barn that I'm really excited about, to see where they go.

I always joke to people, ‘How did I get here?’ When I started off, wearing a tailcoat or riding in a double bridle were in my dreams. I never thought that was going to happen. It is still hard to believe. Looking to the future, I am pretty lucky as I get to ride and train horses full-time. I also own businesses with my husband, Dennis. He was great when I was diagnosed, he took care of me and is very supportive of me. I love my life and am thankful to be here. I have always felt that being on a horse is where I belong.

 

Join us for Dressage at Devon live on USEF Network, powered by ClipMyHorse.TV, from Sept. 25 to Sept. 29.

For more on Lymphona Awareness Month, please visit the American Association for Cancer Research.